You are not a person

You are not a person

"If you believe you are a citizen of the world, you’re a citizen of nowhere," Theresa May exclaimed last October. This accompanied her increasingly foggy insistence that 'Brexit means Brexit’ and calls to charge forward, whatever the cost, to democratically execute the ‘will of the people’. Those of us who believe we are in fact citizens of the world and voted remain partly on that basis should be forgiven for failing to identify with this already-clichéd and all-too-convenient phrase. The fact is that 52% of voters backed leave. What about the rest of us? And by the way, on this issue it is categorically wrong to bandy the notion that 52% of ‘the people’ voted to leave - it cannot be considered equivalent to the 5-year-lease we give a government in a general election. When you truly consider all the ‘people’ living on this tiny island who Brexit will affect, a different picture unfolds. Over 17 million voted to leave, 16 or so million voted to remain, close to 13 million staggeringly failed to vote, and a colossal 18 million are not represented electorally. Masses of perfectly intelligent (and characteristically europhile) 16 and 17 year olds fall into the latter category.

We must surely consider that combining the remain vote with these ‘other’ categories, produces a number close to 47 million people. That’s 47 million citizens of the world the United Kingdom who either don’t want Brexit or for a multitude of reasons haven’t been able to disclose an official opinion. Obviously then, it makes sense to ‘democratically’ blast ahead with the wishes of this abundantly clear minority of Brexiteers who want us out of the EU - a minority which includes vulnerable people who even in these early stages it is clear were sold down the river (£350m for the NHS anyone?) That’s who Theresa May is using when she speaks of ‘the will of the people’. The rest of us, well who knows what we are, because we’re certainly not in that daft group. Lest we forget the surge in google searches for ‘what is the EU?’ in the immediate aftermath of the vote. What a complete and utter shambles.

And yet, as we speedily approach the cliff edge of lunacy, there is positivity to be found. When you consider the figures I’ve mentioned we can be safe in the knowledge that despite the leave vote, the majority of citizens are not actively seeking a destructive future. The future can still look bright, we just need to remove certain donkeys from power. Replace them with who you ask? Because Jeremy Corbyn certainly isn’t up to the challenge. A debate for another time… Better or worse than the politicians who spent millions on ridiculous red buses in order to manipulate the public. Why are the Goves and Johnsons of this country still in power? It’s completely absurd. They should be immediately and meaningfully punished and not allowed to continue spinning tales of good fortune which simply aren’t true. The politicians lied. The experts were ignored. The laptop I just bought cost £500 more than it should have.

Theresa May’s latest attempt to secure a strong hand for Brexit (the first outright Tory majority since the 1992 election clearly wasn't enough for her) was met with a loss of power and a deal with the backward-thinking, racist, homophobic, creationist lunatics known as the DUP. In order to fund this, she promptly found the 'magic money tree' she had previously sent Amber Rudd to tell the public didn't exist. How dare she. Wouldn’t it be lovely to have one billion shiny new pound coins lying around to further your political aims? The loss of power should be one big thump to her head, but no. In a recent interview she outlined how surprised she was when her robotic husband delivered the exit-poll news. It brought a tear to her eye. My heart bleeds for you Theresa, it really does, but not as much as your back soon will.

And so what now? We’ve established that around 47 million citizens in the United Kingdom aren’t included when any politician utters the phrase ‘the will of the people’. We’ve been reminded that if you’re a citizen of the world you’re actually not a citizen of anywhere. In Theresa May’s mind you’re more likely to be found floating around space.

Anyone who truly believes we are going to be a nation better off for leaving the EU is surely suffering from a withdrawal of their senses. The course we’re on is potentially catastrophic and one the ineligible young of this country will have to fix this mess in years to come. Enough! Bring on a referendum on whatever deal Theresa May claims is best and let’s stop this idiocy once and for all. That, or keep letting the politicians tell you you’re not a person.

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